As a parent, it can be difficult to identify bullying as it's happening, before deciding what to do next.
Star parents Harry Judd and TV presenter Konnie Huq discuss their own experiences of bullying in school, how to spot the signs of bullying and ways to approach the subject with your child.
Read on for more top tips on recognising bullying as a parent from the Anti-Bullying Alliance…
Presenter Konnie Huq and McFly's Harry Judd discuss their experiences of bullying in school and as parents
Harry (00:00:00:00):I think it’s important to that you know your child best.
Konnie (00:00:02:23):Yeah.
Harry (00:00:03:04):And that a parent’s gut instinct is often quite powerful.
Intro
Konnie (00:00:10:24):So when you were having a hard time at school, were there any signs your parents would’ve picked up on?
Harry (00:00:15:10):My brother was a couple of years above me, and he noticed that I wasn’t hanging out in the same groups.
Konnie (00:00:20:09):Yeah.
Harry (00:00:21:02):So he used to ask me, but I instantly just was like, nah, it’s fine.I don’t like them anyway.
Konnie (00:00:26:03):Yeah.
Harry (00:00:26:14):I really experiencing that sort of feeling of anxiety and feeling low about it and,The main emotion I felt was shame, I felt quite like ashamed and embarrassed.
Konnie (00:00:37:05):Yeah.And often, that is one of the signs to look out for,if your child has suddenly become sort of more quiet, more introverted,as you mentioned, if their friendship group has changedor they’re not hanging out with their friends as much.
Harry (00:00:51:05):These things could be really difficult to spot.You shouldn’t be beating yourself up if you don’t necessarily spot everything.Do your kids use devices, internet?
Konnie (00:01:00:03):You know what? I do worry about when they were in secondary school,because although they’re sort of on tablets now and then at home,the real scary thing to me is when they’re …walking to school on their own,they’ve got their own mobile phone.
Harry (00:01:13:22):Do you have friends who have kids in secondary school?And if they don’t have a phone, then they get teased.
Konnie (00:01:18:19):Yeah.
Harry (00:01:18:24):If they don’t have a TikTok or this, then they get teased.
Konnie (00:01:21:24):Really? Oh no!
Harry (00:01:22:21):Yeah. So it’s really about how online bullying can be harder to spot,but one good thing to look out for is changes in behaviour.So, if your child has stopped using a certain app, or if they’re reacting in an anxious way to a notification going off,because yeah, it can be a lot more difficultto spot.
Konnie (00:01:40:04):I mean, the thing about online bullying in people have anonymity.If there’s a photo of you wearing some outfit or whatever,(Indistinct chatter)It’s just, it’s kind of horrible isn’t it?
Harry (00:01:52:18):Yeah, really horrible.You know, like you can have a load of positive comments,And one negative one and then, that’s the one you focus on.
Konnie (00:01:59:23):Yes.
Harry (00:02:00:06):And yeah, I don’t know why I do it to myself and like,Just look at the comments, I’m like…Oh!
Konnie (00:02:03:18):Ouch!
Harry (00:02:05:19):For me, it’s more about helping your child to navigate their way through it.So hopefully, they feel comfortable enough to communicate with you whatThey’re going through. But, it’s about how to give them the strength to navigate their way through it.But I think it’s important to that you know your child best,and that a parent’s gut instinct is often a quite powerful thing.
Konnie (00:02:27:07):Obviously, the best outcome is that your child will tell you and talk to you.But if not, it’s always good to know what to look out for.
You might have a feeling that your child is being bullied or is bullying someone else but aren’t sure what to do next - to establish this, it’s important to define the word ‘bullying’. We spoke to Martha Evans, Director at Anti-Bullying Alliance, to get her expert insight and advice…
What is bullying?
“Bullying is the repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. It can happen face-to-face or online.”
"The term ‘bullying’ can often be misidentified and applied to something that isn't bullying."
"It's really important that we allow children to have a row. Rows are an important part of learning and growing. We should allow children the space to learn how to communicate with each other when they don’t get on," explains Martha.
"However, bullying is not a one-off incident, it takes place over a long time. Children who experience bullying can end up missing school, have poor wellbeing and even experience depression. We know from research that the impact of bullying can last well into adulthood.”
10 signs to look out for
- Changes in usual behaviour
- Falling out with their usual friendship group
- Reluctance to go to school or skipping classes
- Becoming more introverted or withdrawn
- Acting out at home or fighting more with siblings
- Torn clothes, missing items or missing money
- Unexplained bruises, cuts or marks
- Trouble sleeping or bed-wetting
- Significantly more or significantly less time spent on their phone or other devices
- Unexplained stomach aches or illnesses that occur around certain times like mornings before school or just before PE lessons
What if your child is involved in bullying someone else?
“Our research has shown that children who bully often have poorer wellbeing than children who are being bullied” explains Martha. “Therefore, we know that if a child is bullying, there are reasons behind it and often those reasons are very unhappy.”
Here's Martha advice on approaching your child if you suspect they are involved in bullying…
1. Try not to accuse them
It’s important to have an open conversation without accusations. Accusing a child straight away may cause them to clam up. Even though you may think they deserve a telling off, it’s important to hear them out first.
2. Find out the root cause
You may feel angry or embarrassed but it’s best to talk to your child to find out why they are bullying another student. Did they feel peer pressure? Are they seeing negative content online? Do they have low self esteem or poor wellbeing themselves, as research suggests they might? If so, why? It’s important to establish the facts in order to move forward.
3. Be a role model at home
Help your child understand what bullying is, why it’s wrong and how it can impact people by encouraging the use of respectful language and positive actions at home. Talking about how we should treat each other is also important.
Whether your child is being bullied or doing the bullying themselves, it can be easy for parents to blame themselves.
to take time for yourself and talk to friends and family if you need . For more resources on bullying look below…
If you notice your child is showing signs of serious distress like anxiety or depression, make an appointment with their GP.
For more information about Cyberbullying, head over to BBC Own It
CBBC have made some animations on the things your child can control around bullying - they're here on BBC iPlayer.
Martha Evans is Director of the Anti-Bullying Alliance
Anti-Bullying Week takes place from the 13 to 17 November and is organised by…
The Anti-Bullying Alliance in England and Wales
respectme in Scotland
The Northern Ireland Anti-Bullying Forum in Northern Ireland
More from BBC Bitesize Parents' Toolkit…
Parents' Toolkit
Fun activities, real-life stories, wellbeing and loads of helpful advice - we're here for you and your child.
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