We all want to be able to chat with our children, so it can feel distressing if they have communication difficulties or feel like they don't want to talk.
However, there are steps you can take to create opportunities to play and communicate, with and without words.
Watch our video below for tips and activities to get you started, with further advice from speech and language therapist Alys Mathers.
Sometimes children may seem to be in their own world, or they don't talk to us as much as we might like, but we can show we’re there, happy to play and chat with them. Here are a few tips on creating opportunities which can encourage them to communicate more.
Noisy environments can affect your child's ability to communicate. So turn off the TV and any background music. Sit face to face and close together and somewhere where there's good lighting so your child can see clearly. They'll pick up more language skills if they can see your face and mouth movements as you talk to them.
What's great about sharing an activity is that you can comment on what both of you are doing whilst you're playing instead of asking lots of questions.
Good boy! Oink oink!
Oink!
The key is to pause.
Okay.
The more you pause, the more opportunity you're going to give him–
Sort of allowing him to talk?
Exactly. We often guess what children need without waiting for them to ask. But we can develop their skills by creating a need for them to communicate with us. Try placing things out of reach, but still in sight. Wait for your child to send you a message, whether that's non-verbally or verbally, before you give the item to them.
Are you ready? Neigh - horse!
Neigh!
Put things like toys in hard-to-open containers and give them to your child, then wait for them to ask for your help.
Help me.
Help me? Good boy.
Try offering food bit by bit. If you can offer the banana and then hold back the rest – that's it. That's great Yeah, so he's reaching for it. Brilliant. Exactly like that.
Banana. Yummy.
And that was lovely how you just gave him the language for it as well, so even though he pointed and reached and it was a nonverbal communication, you're giving him the language, ‘banana.’ It’s helping him develop his language skills. So that’s brilliant.
If you are concerned about your child’s language and communication development, then discuss any issues with your health visitor
My child seems like they’re in their own world, is that okay?
Your child might be attempting to communicate with you, even if they’re not using words yet.
Try looking for other indications - it could just be a look that says, 'I’m interested in what you’re doing'. They might point, or you an item, or show you something that they’ve done or made.
If they’re very little and you see that they're in their own world, it might just mean that they have to focus on one toy or game at a time.
Wait for them to finish what they're doing before you try and involve yourself or ask them to do something else. They’re not always able to stop and think about doing something new before they're finished.
Copying their play is another great way to in. For example, if they're putting their toys in a box then tipping them back out of it, make that the game and do the same!
How can you encourage communication?
Follow whatever it is your child is interested in at that moment.
For example, if you're at the park and they love coming down the slide - you might add a ‘whee’ sound as they come down. You’re not saying, ‘I like the slide!’, but you’re suggesting a simple way that they could express their enjoyment.
Don’t try and fill silences. Don’t feel like you need to add a constant commentary to what they’re doing. Give them lots of time by pausing and see whether your child starts to communicate themselves.
They might think, ‘Oh, Mum didn’t do the ‘whee’ sound this time – but I could to show I’m enjoying myself'. You might be surprised when they start to fill in those gaps themselves.
What are the benefits of conversations with your child?
There are many ways in which conversation with your child benefits their speech and language development, their wider brain development, as well as your relationship.
Spending time together and enjoying each others’ company, whatever that looks like, is a fantastic opportunity to bond and see the world through your child's eyes.
Your child can feel reassured and discover that their parent is a point of safety – that you enjoy playing with them the way they want to play, or communicating about the things that they want to communicate about.
Your child will then feel confident enough to go out and explore, try new things and may start to communicate more and more.
